Wednesday Oct. 27th

                                          If you're wondering when life gets better

Idk you tell me....

This is a question I have been asking myself for years, while I felt like I was working myself to death with no outcome, watching everyone get everything I wanted, when my mom died, but recently I got my answer, there isn't one.

Life getting "better" isn't exactly what we expect. we hope one day to find a better job, find the person were meant to be with, lose weight, make more money, buy our dream home, or achieve our dream jobs.

The problem is who the fuck knows when any of that will happen? my dream was to be an actor, as I worked, went to classes, auditioned constantly and watched others book their first roles I was left wondering when it would be my turn. It never seemed like the cards were in my favour. after SEVEN years of working back in September, I decided it was time to give up. Heartbroken, I deleted my profiles on casting sites, declined my email to pay for the next semester of my acting classes and applied to an office admin college program. one week later I found an open call, it was a horror film, I love horror. I decided to send them in an audition and got the fucking part. after seven years I finally booked a role, and not just a role, one of the leads. A few days later, I booked another one, a waitress in a short film. These bookings happened right after I had planned to give up, but it seemed like after seven years why would it work out? My plans have changed now, I'm planning to move to the city to really pursue this dream.

life is stupid, Karma doesn't seem to be real, you might never be the one to be in the right place at the right time and have everything handed to you after that, but it's still worth it to stick around.

I realized, you can fail thousands of Times and still make it. don't let it discourage you.

However, none of this means my life is fixed. I still have depression and anxiety, i'm struggling to find an apartment, and hell, getting 2 roles doesn't guarantee shit, I could still fail, I still want to lose weight, I still hate my fuckin nose. So I guess what I'm saying is learn to enjoy the place you're in, even when life does get better, it won't all be at once. The grass is always greener on the other side and if your looking at it through the lens of social media its probably photoshopped as fuck.

I might not be sappy, but you only get one chance at life. Please don't worry about what others are doing, or what they think and PLEASE for the love of fucking god if you have something you are passionate about DO IT!! don't waste your life wondering what if. As an aspiring actor most people who failed, really just quit if you think about it.

link to my YouTube channel- https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCuDXHme_NQgthMe7fluFCTw

Instagram- Alexxismarcia